I m not a human!!!

I m not a human!!! 😨😨😨 common dialogue ....and one of the most used Hollywood dialogue..and even anime uses this dialogue too.Today is Friday November 11 2016, 7:54 AM.This is my first blog writing.And a lot of spelling mistake.And grammatical mistake.I am writing this not for money or become famous.Just to remember and keep track of what i m doing.And to remember the future me to not do the same mistake.

I have a girlfriend.She is beautiful.I love her.And hate her too.sometime i think i dont need her sometimes i think i cant live without her.And i have done a lot of horrible behave with her.And still she is with me.She is really cool and she is being patient with me.

AM I just a kid? Maybe so.Sometimes i do something that is really really bad. So future me! Please don't hurt her anymore.

Some time i feel i am with her just to have intercourse with her.And the moment i have that i will lose all my value to meet her anymore.But i don't want to use her.I love her.But this biological need is killing me.

And more i am so bad that, when ever i see anther beautiful women, i get a crush, this always lets me to think that there is a lot of more beautiful women out there. So?

Why the hell i am with her? But even so i find beauty that is far more valuable then those other women's have in her.That is inner beauty & love that will never end.

I time to time try to breakup with her. To find a new mate.But i think what if i get a beautiful one but her hurt is ugly.And what if get both beautiful and good heart one but does not love me! Then whats gonna happen?

I don't want to hurt her.But i don't know what should i do? I feel attracted to her only when she is around.

Should i let her go?

But! Will i be happy if i marry her?

Recently i am really in need of money.I am really broke.What should i do? Get a job or keep studding? Should i join Air force, of go to university? And freelancing is not working out for me.Dear PayPal please come to Bangladesh. Or i have to stop working as a freelancer.

This is shameful but i am gonna say it just to remind my future self so that i never do this again.I took 20 taka from my girlfriend. And after she went home she send me a massage. "Doesn't your father give u any money?" .I am so ashamed i feel like i want to go to a job wright now and earn some money and give back to her.And never take money from someone else even it kills me.

So future me i hope u learned something from me here.See u in the future.Keep living don't give up.There is always something better waiting.